as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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