2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
