I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
