dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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