Me. At least after what I've been through.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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