you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
