A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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