I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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