I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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