Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Be still, my beating vagina.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
