id be glad to
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
