Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
