FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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