i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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