I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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