His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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