now i know why i became what i already was.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
