i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
