i think i have two assholes
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
