I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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