yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
