My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
