i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
