So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
