I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
