Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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