Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Everyone says I win the strip club
Enjoy the penises
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
