Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
another moral hangover. fuck.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
