Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
