i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
