That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
