What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
