i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
