The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
