Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
