I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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