I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
