Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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