11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Can you repeat that, but with context?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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