someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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