that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
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