the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
