Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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