Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
