My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
