Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
