Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
