Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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