You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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