Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
