i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
