Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
