I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
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