census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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