So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
