It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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