bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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