You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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