I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
