I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
