I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
