I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
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