I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
