ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
