I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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