to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Vodka?
Forever.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm like, not good at living.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
