Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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