you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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