don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
