Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
